Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Living Life in Reverse

The last few months have brought me plenty of news and an epiphany.

Friends and acquaintances are getting new jobs, quitting old ones for new ones, quitting old ones for restlessness or starting their own businesses or moving things to the next level.

Former proteges are growing up and proving it.

Almost everyone I know from my circle is switching jobs, cities or countries; some moving closer to their dreams, others entrenching themselves in sinful living.

Summing up, everyone is moving forward.

I, on the other hand, seem to be living life in reverse.


When I was four years old, I was gripped by an existential question, Who am I? I would ask this question to everyone I met. People would point to their bodies, their hearts, their heads and I would drive them up the wall by saying, but that’s your body, who are you?
Now, at this age, I have almost started feeling as if a man is what bags & shoes & make up he / she uses.

As an eighteen year-old, I religiously attended classes and saw myself in NASA as an outstanding scientist. As a professional these days, I giggle, make jokes & dream myself in exotic vacation places.

Moving up in life? I quit a fabulous consulting job to become an over worked banker in a second grade bank (I am not kidding, I mean it !) as I thought it was a great move.

From Dom Perignon to two-buck chucks has been a lovely ride indeed! Almost as much fun as my weight loss !

Till I was 16, I used to keep my hair really really tied up. I thought open hair was a sign of bondage, of submission to tradition, of conformity to male ideals of beauty.

My subversive streak did not last too long. Two pairs of shoes in one month. I now drool, literally drool to look a hot babe. Why am I becoming shallower with every passing minute?


At 13 I had read Maxim Gorky’s Mother twice and knew Russian revolution like the back of my hand. Now, I know the Russians and Americans but stay away from any revolution unless its in fashion or makeup area.

Is Delhi to blame? If so, Soon, I might evaporate into nothingness.


At times I wonder, are you allotted just a certain measure of maturity? What if I used it all up as an annoying over-smart kid? Do I resign myself to a lifetime of finding joy in bubble wrap, silly crushes and chocolate cookies?

No comments:

Post a Comment